The Bigger Picture.. by... The Joker
As I stated earlier I have been in the entertainment business now for 16yrs. This isn't just stripping but many, many TV appearances, modelling assignments, extensive theatre tours, both UK and worldwide, many of which were a spin off from stripping.
'Seen it, done it and got the T-shirt!' is a statement I should be saying, but it's more like expect the unexpected!
No audience is the same, you can have 'great', 'okay', 'strange', 'quiet', 'loud' and 'fucking horrible'. No venue is the same, theatre, pub, social club, aunt Ethels living room!
Your routine will change ever so slightly with each show and that is why this job is the best in the world, forever changing and new each time.
Yes I can teach you the skills of entertaining but as "for getting out the poo with quick thinking", that I'm afraid is a learning curve you must endure on your own!
A small tale that I shall tell you to prove this point! -
"Please welcome on stage The Joker"!!!!
On stage I go in a theatre full of a thousand screaming women. Show going great and if you have ever set foot on a live stage you will know that , sitting in the audience you can see every detail....... Every testicle unshaven, every facial "fuck just stubbed my toe", and even religion if caught right. The sound levels are deafening to the point of vibration.
On stage you can't see a bloody thing!.... the audience and even marks set on stage. The sound is only fed to you via monitors and the only real people you can make out are normally your colleagues standing in the wings, helping you along by mooning! That's Tristar. Pulling silly faces - Sparkle, even letting you know that they have stolen the props that you will need shortly, Tristar again!
OK when you go out into to the audience you do normally get house lights but after 2 minutes in flood lights, your eyes just don't catch up.
It was at this point that I grabbed a young ladies hand and took her onto the stage. I had her join in a silly part of my routine, asked her name, lets say - Mary - and thanked her with a round of applause from the audience and led her to stage right steps.
So there I am carrying on with my routine and Mary is still standing there. I shout "thanks Mary you can go now" and carried on with show. Yet again I look over and Mary is now sat on the top step of the stage? I mime to the crowd "shes mad" at exactly the same time that her friend came and got her. Well, if looks could kill!?
Finished the show and came off stage to seven grown up men, laying on the floor, over chairs, & each other! Every one of the fuckers crying with laughter. I know that I'm funny but this was over the top. This is the point that I was told that "Mad Mary" - a title that I was soon to regret giving her- who I had taken on stage, in front of a thousand ladies, made dance around like a loon, mimed that she was mad, was actually blind!!
Dig a hole and bury me quick!
To make things even worse, at the photo signing at the end of the show I spotted Mary.... wasn't too hard, as her dog gave it away, went to apologise and oh fucking yes, gave her a free poster, what the hell was I thinking!!?
These kind of stories are there in their millions and yes, you learn from each one. I learnt never get a girl to join you on stage if to get to her, you stepped over a dog and moved that white cane!
These are lessons you cannot be taught, you just have to go with the flow, but never ever stop smiling..
Male Stripper School classes are held at the venues below, unless otherwise stated.
256 Old Street
London, EC1V 9D
Fir Vale Road
Bournemouth BH1 2JA
22 Corporation Street
Liquid & Envy
49 New Bridge
Street West, NE1 8AN
I was thinking about the time I was booked in for a private show at a house which turned out to be a swingers party.
I had finished my show, which was most bizarre as most of the people were naked and not giving a shit about some silly arse on the stage. I say 'stage' but it was a just a small space in front of the sofa.
This was the first and only swingers night that I'd been to and I had heard so much about all these gorgeous women. I you used the term that 'beauty is skin deep', in this case most of the people at this party were inside out!
I was then asked if I could be auctioned and the highest bidder would get a private show. Being the prat I am, I agreed and the bidding started at £40 which was quite please with. Once it got to £100 I noticed that the bidders were mostly men??!!
Mind you looking at it now the women did have their hands full plus other bits!
The closing bid was for £195 which as a young stripper was great.
As I only intended to do one show I only had my normal comedy set outfit which was fat Elvis and I thoughtto myself ' I cant do that for a private show!!'
Luckily I bumped into a gimp in the hallway who was more than happy to lend me his leathers for the returned favour of locking him in a wardrobe and gagging him???? Strange but true!
I had to do strip for, lets say, a lady who insisted on calling "me bad boy", and telling me "I'm safe, got the coil fitted". To be honest with the size of her she could of had a carpet fitted! I told her to act her age, and she died!
As soon as I was naked, I was out the door, giggling my arse off towards my car! This is where the story gets good.
As I opened my car door, and I'm not lyinghere, what could be a could be super model said "hello"!! In shock I asked "what are you doing here" and she replied "I came here with my friend but hate it so I'm sitting outside".
We started talking and getting on really well and yep one thing lead to another and in seconds we were naked and going for it. I got myself into a position that was hard to get out of, yes I was SO FLEXIBLE IN THOSE DAYS, when a fat man walked out from behind a bush. He then said that she was his wife so I got ready for a smack in the mouth when he reached out and shook my hand???
This is the point that I realised that his other hand was busy and then was introduced to his friends, who all appeared from the foliage all sporting one hand. I had been set up for a sex show!!!!
I ran to my car and sped off in terror but to date, I still see my night-time lover.
I can't identify her as her fat naked husband is, lets say, very high up in the constabulary...